so i did really good today. for now anyway. and i did pretty good yesterday as well. so why do i feel like such a failure? i'm so depressed and so numb. i don't understand it. maybe it's my lack of friends. i have people i talk to in school. but i have only like one friend who i hang out with out of school and she goes to a different school and lives almost an hour away. so i don't get to see her that often. plus she is occupied with her boyfriend and her other best friend. i hate it. i feel like a needy friend, but i can't help it. i don't know what i did to lose all my friends but it sucks. i went from doing something everyday to just sitting at home waiting for my friend to text me and see if i want to hang out. and she's been sick a lot lately so that doesn't happen very often. so i sit on my ass and do absloutly nothing all the time. i just want to cry all the time. im so dcepressed. i don't know why. i hate this. i would even settle for fucking hanging out with my mom. i need someone... it's not fun being alone...

thank you to all of you who sent me supportive comments about my last post. it really means a lot, as silly as that sounds.

 

 

stay strong, girls <3

holy fucking shit. this is fucking amazing. okay, friday, i went to the gym with one of my best friends and we worked out for about three hours maybe. i did 2,050 stairs, ran/walked/jogged a mile, and kick boxed until my knuckles were bruised and sore. then the next day i ate a turkey sandwhich for breakfast, and then i didn't eat for 26 hours. and then i ate a subway sandwhich. then i get home and guess how fucking much i weigh?!!!? 136! omfg you have no idea how happy that made me. i probably could of kissed that fucking scale! it's amazing. i'm going shopping with my cousin today, but i don't think i'm going to eat anything for the rest of the day. gah. this is fucking awesome. :DD